Nightmare on Social Media Street - Part IV The Conclusion

The Abercrombie Fitch guy from the Ben & Jerry’s shouted from down the concourse,

“Communication Fascist!”

The girl with the lip ring and the relatives in Modesto, jumped in:

“creepy old dinosaur.”

The prepped out prof said,

“Neanderthal dinosaur,”

My eyes started to well up as I realized everyone was picking on me. Yet still, I tried to fight back. Channeling Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High I bellowed, “Hey pontificating professor: Make up your mind, Dude. Am I a Neanderthal or a dinosaur? You’re playing with a couple of million years of spread there, Toots.”

“Stop it Nazi!”

said the girl who was furious about the outcome of American Idol,

“If CoolProf tweets Neanderthal with dinosaur, WTF is it to you?”

There’s the World Trade Federation again.

“Change your username to Goebbels,”

said the fan of Saw Palmetto tablets.

“Because you sure heart giving orders.”

The flight attendant said,

“Go back to 1997. Tell Hanson ‘MMM-Bop!’”

I started to cry. They were big tears. The woman in the jeans and jacket who I had confided in, faced me, smiled and said,

“Had organic turkey sandwich with a delicious tart pickle spear. Not sure if pickle organic."

“What the hell?” I stammered between the cascading rivers of tears, “Does that have to do with anything? Why did you tell me that?”

“We’re not friends,”

said the St. John’s knit lady from Ben & Jerry’s.

“Not following you,”

said the guy with the Braves hat.

“We’re not LinkedIn,”

said the Dick Cheney fan.

A blasting ring of a telephone filled the terminal. Not once, but twice and then three times, as everyone stood silent, waiting for me to leave.

I awoke in my study, a trace of drool having dibbled down my chin and onto the keyboard where I had fallen asleep. My Tweetdeck was still up on the screen. Thank God. The nightmare was over.

I composed myself and picked up the phone before the fourth ring. It was my close friend Chip.

“Hi there Mark. Listen, I’ve got a quick question. Do you know much about Facebook and Twitter? My kids tell me I’m really missing out on something.”

THE END (or so I think)