“Passive-Aggressive Party of One: Your Table is Now Ready”

Despite the fact I tout myself as a communications expert, I received a hefty bit of spot on coaching about my own words this morning. The course correction was tough, but fair.

It all started over my first cup of coffee when I said to my wife, business partner and best friend, “I’ll go ahead and make the bed.” (It was my turn, especially since she got up early up to walk the dogs).

“Does that mean you want me to do it?” Renee asked without looking up from the paper.

“Why on earth would you say that? I was merely saying that I would go ahead and make the bed,” I responded, slightly offended.

“Yeah, but when you add the words, ‘go ahead and’ it sounds like you want to get out of it, or that you want credit for something that’s pretty ordinary.”

I put my hand to my chest, as if I was stabbed, “What on earth are you referring to?”

Renee put the paper down and did a slow turn at the table to look me in the eye, “Oh, let’s see, how about:
‘I’ll just go ahead and empty the dishwasher’ or
‘I’ll just go ahead and walk the dogs one last time for the night’ or
‘I’ll just go ahead and pick up the dry cleaning.’

When you add ‘go ahead and’ it’s like you want a special star or a hug, that you’re really doing something above and beyond the call of household stuff. But here’s what I really think you’re hoping for when you add the words ‘go ahead and’: that you are hoping I’ll do it for you. Just ask, if that’s what you want.”

Well I couldn’t believe my ears! She was criticizing…no attacking is a better word…my communication skills set. How offensive! On top of that she had the unmitigated gall to be right. I (yeah, that’s right Mark Wiskup) was using passive-aggressive, yes even manipulative words. I was ashamed.

“Honey you are right,” I offered. “I’m going to make the bed now.”

“Good,” Renee said, getting back to the paper.

“Then I’m going to go ahead and write a blog about this.”

“Whatever,” she turned the page of the Metro section and didn’t look up.